


All That Arthur Left Unsaid

by kingdomofdirt



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur Pendragon is a Hopeless Romantic, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Experimental Style, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I suppose POV First Person?, It’s only Arthur’s thoughts, M/M, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pining, Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Run-On Sentences, Unconventional Format, Unresolved Romantic Tension, the scenarios? fluffy, the yearning? angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24763798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingdomofdirt/pseuds/kingdomofdirt
Summary: Arthur’s stray thoughts and fantasies about Merlin that he never dared to speak aloud.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 129





	All That Arthur Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> This fic started as just a little blurb in my notes for another fic I’m writing, but I eventually got so focused on it that it evolved into its own thing. Please enjoy this assortment of stylistic run-on sentences, featuring the thoughts of my favorite closeted hopeless romantic, Arthur Pendragon.

I want to find your smiling face first in every room that I walk into, because you are all that ever matters to me.

I want to grab you by your stupid neckerchief as you’re anxiously rambling on about something, and I’ll press my lips to yours to shut you up, and as I pull away, I’ll tell you that there’s no need to worry, because we’ll figure everything out together, just like we always do.

I want to lace my fingers with yours as we walk together through the lower town, and you’ll lead me through the market, dragging me from stall to stall, and I’ll notice your gaze linger on something and I’ll purchase it as you’re distracted, and after I’ve pocketed the item, when you look back at me, you’ll be smiling widely, and my heart will skip a beat, and I’ll feel my lips uncontrollably turning upwards as I watch you, and we’ll be just Arthur and Merlin, Merlin and Arthur, and that will be enough.

I want to chase after you in the castle, passing serving girls that giggle and gossip at the sight of us, whispering that they wish someone looked at them the way I look at you, and we’ll be laughing as we run through the endless corridors, until finally, we’re both out of breath, and you would lean against the wall for support, and you would grab me by the collar and pull me in and kiss me, and we’ll both be smiling too wide for it to quite work, but somehow, it’ll still be incredible.

I want to stand in the empty banquet hall after a ball, with the room lit by only a few candles and the moonlight, and I would ask you if I may have this dance, and you’ll raise an eyebrow and say that there’s no music, but you’ll accept, and I’ll grab you by the hand and drag you into the center of the hall, and I’ll wrap an arm around your waist and pull you as close as I can, and I’ll look into your eyes, and they’ll be shining in the starlight, and I’ll press my forehead against yours, and our eyes will flutter shut, and we’ll sway to a rhythm that is beating in our hearts, and I’ll finally understand what true perfection is.

I want to watch you slowly untie your neckerchief before a tournament and silently wrap it around my arm as a favour, then look up at me shyly through your beautiful eyelashes, with your cheeks dusted a pretty pink, and my heart will thump in my chest, but not from any tourney nerves, and I’ll kiss you softly and sweetly, and you’ll wrap your arms around my neck, and I’ll hold you and dip you slightly, and I’ll feel your laughter on my lips, and in that moment, I’ll know that I have already won something far more important than a tournament.

I want to hold you tightly in my arms in the night, whispering about everything and nothing into your oversized, adorable ears and protecting you from anything that could possibly try to tear us apart.

I want to wake up to sunlight flitting through the window of my - no,  _our_ \- chambers, and you’ll be right there next to me, sleeping soundly, looking angelic and ethereal and utterly perfect in the morning glow, and I’ll softly press my lips to your temple, and I’ll know that you are mine, truly mine, and that knowledge will keep the biggest, most idiotic grin on my face for the entire day.

I want to dress you the way you dressed me for all those years, decorating you in the finest clothing in all the five kingdoms, with blue and silver laying perfectly across your body, and I’ll straighten your collar and give you one last tender kiss before I go to the balcony, because we decided that we wanted to get married in front of everyone possible, nobles and peasants alike, and I’ll stand next to Leon, and he’ll put a calming hand on my shoulder to ground me, and then  _you_ will be there, walking carefully down the aisle, with Hunith steadying you so that your clumsiness won’t get the better of you, and my eyes will water slightly, though I’ll forever deny it, and I’ll think that you must have been hand-crafted by the Goddess herself, for no mortal man could possibly be so beautiful on his own, and you’ll give Hunith a kiss on the cheek before you kneel before me, looking at me with your wide, glittering eyes, and I’ll gently lay a crown on top of your messy hair, the hair that we had tried to fix for an hour that morning, and you’ll place your hands in mine and I’ll pull you up, and we’ll seal our vows in front of all of Albion, and the citadel will erupt into cheers of “long live the Kings”, because it will be a marriage of equals, and we will both be so happy, truly happy, and so incredibly in love.

I want to grab and squeeze your hand as you sit on the throne next to mine, just to know that you’re there, and to show you my love without uttering a word, and you’ll look over to me, and you’ll give me your blinding smile that always makes my heart burst.

I want to watch you speak up during council, sharing the brilliant solutions that only you could ever think of, and I want for you to always tell me when I’m being a stubborn, idiotic clotpole, because I’ll always trust your judgement more than my own, because you are kindness and goodness and fairness all wrapped up into one, and you’ll have the entire court wrapped around your little finger, just like you did to me, and I’ll look upon you with nothing but pride and love.

I want to watch our children playing in the courtyard, young and carefree, with practice swords I had specially made, and I want for you to sneak up on me and hug me from behind, and you’ll tell me that I’m spoiling them, and I’ll deny it, even though we both know that you’re right, and I’ll turn around in your arms and ask if we should adopt another, and you’ll roll your eyes and tell me that I’m absolutely mad, but sure enough, a year later, there will be one more little prince or princess running in that courtyard, and I’ll think to myself that I must be the luckiest man on Earth, to have a prosperous kingdom, an incredible husband, and a wonderful family that I love with everything that I am.

I want to ask you if you think of these things, too, because sometimes, I catch you looking at me, and I could swear that you look at me the same way that I look at you.

I want to have you, but I know that we could never be; I want to let you go, but you will always hold a piece of my heart.


End file.
